TV suxx Part 2

Yea I am still on it - the rant that is. You would be to if..wait yeh AajTak par kya aa raha hai. Mahishasur ka atyachar. Religious photos ke peeche actual real images play ho rahi hain. Kya idea hai sirjee. Aur phir yeh music. Lagta hai Anu Malik saheb inspired mood mein compose kar rahe hain. Next headline: Kanha ke viruddh kanss ka shadyantra. Woh mathura etc ke real images ke saath abb koi TV serial ki images bhi aa gayi hain. Hey bhagwan. Now this dame in the studio is talking about Radha and now some female is singing some random song and we are told there is a kund which was made from radha ka kangan. All this time pictures are changing as if in a slide show with "whoosh" sound everytime.

((If I do something rash, and my body is found facing the TV and if AT is the channel playing please ensure that the case is filed under murder due to abject torture)) Where the muck is that remote!!! Oh under the chair. hehe wait..rather than entertain blasphemous thoughts (which I do a lot with amaazing regularity) let me just change the channel. Oye Fox History. Good. I let out a deep sigh and go back to writing about reality shows. That's where we had left remember.

Reality shows: Agar aapko pata karna hai kitne stars abb faltu hain..just check out the judges name of any reality shows. I mean its an easy way to make money when someone is not employing you. Just go, sit, smile and come back. You don't have to say anything intellligent. Really nothing. I mean Sonali Bendre on music. Thats like me judging Real Madrid and its player acquisition strategy. You dont have to look nice even. I dont mean the fat err no corpulently challenged Bendre babe I was actually thinking about Anu Malik and the entire judge's panel of Sa ra ga ma (they deleted the pa. Women domination bhaiyya! Ma hai pa nahin. Jai Ho.) I mean please mujhe koi reality show ka judge bana de. Wait don't I do that everyday. Isnt world a reality show. Deep. Hmm. Just that no one pays me though.

Anyhoo contestants of reality shows. The kids reality shows disturb me the most. You have to be total jackass of a parent to subject your child to that. I mean as if the humiliation of having you as a parent was not enough you put him on the stage to be judged by moronic judges and hundreds of idiots who are dumb enough to watch the shows. It is traumatic to be judged and to fail in front of others. Grown ups are not able to handle public failures. (eg Susan Boyle) Why the muck would you subject a child to it!

Then comes the hotties or the wannabe hotties. The splitsvilla-size 0-brain activity negative contestants. I dont mind Tanay doing anything with his life. But yes after watching splittsvilla I have instructed my lawyers to amend the will. Bebo, you wont be getting a penny if you ever feature on any reality show ever. This threat would work a lot more if I had some real money. But oh well. I will deny him my newly purchased sofa and Samsung ka chota TV. Also (it just occured to me) I will publish all your naked bachpan ki pics on facebook. (just have to call my lawyers and get this line added. BRB)

Kya ladkiyaan hain. Kya galiyan deti hain. Dare I confess that it was in college that I got to know what MC/BC meant. And the guys. Man, really are guys this dumb? And can someone please tell the HMTs that nothing is a bigger put off than hearing someone who cant say 3 sentences in English put on a American accent and then try to talk.

Limka ka advt aara ha hai. I like this one. Par let me tell you when I got my Limca nothing happened. The guy standing behind me didnot magically create water or look that good and nor was that song playing when I drank my magical potion. Nothing happened. I waited for 3 minutes after finishing my drink in the hope maybe thoda late reaction ho jaye. But nothing.

Aur haan contestants jo celebrity hain. Celebrity reality shows. Ek baar maine papa ke saath Big Boss ka episode dekha. He didnt know any contestant not even one. Arrey unko chodo jab woh Sambhavna aayi toh even i didnt know. I told my dad she is a big actress down south. he he. For those of you who do not know what I am talking about give your self a hug.

Btw let me confess I did catch 2 episodes of Jhalak Dikhla jaa and hoped Bhaichung would win. So not all reality shows are unwatchable.

Reality shows encourage begging. I mean haven't you noticed hum log kitni asaani se (besharmi se) sabse maangte rehte hai. Padosi's se sugar, professors se marks, friends se paise, bhagwan se secret wishes, girl friends se sorry, readers se comments (wink wink). I think this tendency is getting out of hand. And since most people know my response to such begging people have stopped it in front of me. Now they just take what they want without asking. That explains why the three apologies that I have been waiting for, for over a month haven't come. These reality shows make it okay to beg : Please please humein aapke votes ki bahut zaroorat hai. please vote kariye. please mobile phone utha kar mera code dial kariye. Please. Bhangwan ke naam pe dede baba. (okay last line mera improvization tha)

And finally, the last rant para on RS. Thats reality shows. (no other elaboration of RS ;) ) Kabhi results episode dekna. Kya setting hoti hai. Kya tension. Aaj kiska sapna khatam hone jaa raha hai. kiski kismet ka faisla aapne kara hai. Kaun abb hamare beech nahin hoga. Kaun hamse juda ho ke jaa raha hai. Kise abb producer's ka check nahin milega aur kiski biwi ghar par aaj pitai karegi. Batate hain. Break ke baad.