Titles are overrated. Cant think of one.

What if you were told you had only 3-4 healthy years ahead? What would you do? Would you be in the same relationship you are in? Would you stay in the same job? Would you live in the same house? Are there people you would call on more often or are there people you would avoid? Would you be more thankful of the time you have or would you turn cynical with each passing day? What choices would you make? Ask yourself - what would you do differently and then do it.

Anyway, I thought to pen down a few of life's lessons and many do's and don'ts (some from my experience, some from experiences of those around me).

1. The best people for you are the ones who bring out the best in you. Don't let them go.
2. We need atleast one person in our lives who thinks we are superman! :)
3. If you can still smile when thinking about it - it was worth it.
4. Never love too well.
5. Trust your instinct- always.
6. Drink lots of water.
7. Nobody worth possessing can be quite possessed. (borrowed from some famous dudette)
8. Dress up. Everyday.
9. Money doesnt buy happiness but it rents it well. :)
10. Exercise.
11. Sleep under the open skies once.
12. Give a baby a bath.
13. Go swim in the sea once.
14. Get yourself a dog, love it dearly.
15. Do something uncharacterstic of your own self some time.
16. Buy yourself a gift- celebrate your own success.
17. Watch a movie alone. Its liberating- in a weird way.
18. Get soaked in the rain. Enjoy it and dont run for shelter.
19. Go on a long drive with someone you enjoy a conversation with.
20. Laugh loudly.
21. Text friends- lots.
22. Confess your love.
23. Admit your follies to yourself and then forgive.
24. Tell someone they are your hero!
25. Listen to mummy.
26. Confide in someone.
27. Write your thoughts and revisit them months later. Its fun to get reintroduced to your own self of a decade back.
28. Play the fool sometime.
29. Dance with abandon.
30. Buy me a teddy bear.
31. Go picnicing.
32. Leave your worries by the pillowside.
33. Listen to someone else's collection of music.
34. Explore. Travel. Learn. And yes, try the local cuisine.
35. Play sports. esp. basket ball (and avoid cricket).
36. Forgive and don't carry a grudge.
37. Fight the establishment.
38. Be true to your own self.
39. At a party make conversation with the one who looks the most lost/lonely.
40. Never make anyone feel small.
41. Read comic books.
42. Never drag a dead relationship. Or hold on to someone who isnt there.
43. Tried and tested by almost all I know : If you love someone let them go. if they come back, they are yours, if not they never will be.
44. Never trust a man fully who lies to his own mother.
45. Keep the faith.
46. Cultivate the art of writing and reading
47. If someone gives you a compliment- donot contradict. Accept it. Graciously.
48. Read a holy book.
49. Spend a day without looking at the watch. Just keep your own time.
50. Learn some jokes.
51. Sing.
52. Be the life of the party.
53. Never apologise for your tears or your feelings.
54. Study hard.
55. Get up early in the morning.
56. Watch the sun rise once with someone you love.
57. Once, just once, love lavishly someone more than they love you.
58. Succeed graciously and lose admirably. Hate losing.
59. Give compliments.
60. Never let a few rupees keep you from doing what you want to do.
61. Dare I say- splurge once in a while :)
62. Write letters.
63. Be organised.
64. Stand up for what you believe in. Never compromise on what you believe in.
65. Find yourself a passion.
66. Take a break from it all.
67. Smile and let it reach your eyes.
68. Say good morning cheerfully. Mean it.

A late reply

I am a troubled soul. You possibly can't tell that looking at me- all chirpy and vivacious every time we run into each other but deep down inside today I am a troubled soul. My soul, dear friends, is troubled.

Before you start wondering what is wrong and go through the entire drill of - "Is she okay? Do I call and check? How much does an STD cell to cell call cost? Maybe an sms is the right thing to do. No wait sms is Rs. 2 per national sms. Maybe I will just ping her next time I see her on Gtalk?" - I will just tell you what the matter is. Succinctly.

A friend of mine accused me yesterday of being a Congressi and a hypocrite. ‘You all are such HYPOcrites!’, he said. He stressed on the ‘hypo’ part for a little longer than necessary. Among the heated words exchanged which are now acknowledged as ‘deeply regretted’ were sprinklings of accusations that I have heard quite often –that I am apathetic, that it is because of people like me that the majority has to suffer and that how much longer was I willing to tolerate this unnecessary and uncalled for appeasement.

Now I didn't quite like that. I agree I am not the most active of political beings in the country. And if you are looking to give someone the ‘best citizen’ award I will not be on your list of nominations. You can also safely discount almost all I say about politics and politicians as clichéd yuppie responses. My knowledge about the Indian politic is abysmal and my inclination to changing this in near future is negligible.

But still this so called ‘Pilibhit brand of reasoning’ annoys me immensely. What is further infuriating is when people judge me for not sharing their prejudices. I mean, why should I share your prejudices when I have a truck load of my own! My friend said the C word (Congressi) as if it were a bad thing to be ; as if Congress was the genesis of all things bad happening to this country. I don’t buy that. For the record I am not a Congressi. I am not a clan obssessed follower of the party as most Congressis are made out to be. Nor am I enamoured with the Gandhi mystique. My appreciation of any political party is very limited. I am the person who in all political discussions comes out with the cliched "Chor hain sab" response and dismisses all politicians with a wave of hand. But yes, I do respect Sonia Gandhi for her grit, her ethical, standards and her resolve.

Generations of my family might probably swear by Congress party but I have not inherited their political enthusiasm. My views on politics reflect the same lackadaisical ambivalence that is characteristic of all my other views. But still if push comes to shove my leaning would be towards Congress than parties who favor communal polarization. What took a gentleman 16 years and Rs. 9 crores to prove was something I was already aware of. I had in fact visited Ayodhya many years back and had seen the make shift temple that exists there. I had then been proudly shown the preparations that were being undertaken for making the new temple.

But S. said his stuff with a lot of vehemence and a lot less sense. He gave me the usual - "toh tum kya Itlay jaa kar PM ban sakti thi. Hum log bahut tolerant hain." Now I never discuss politics with friends especially friends who don't share my political views. But if in a discussion, I would rather people stick with facts and rationality than mere rhetoric and unexplained bias.

But this isn’t the troublesome part. The issue troubling me since last night is that I did not have a befitting reply ready. All the things I wrote just now well I didn’t say any of that. I just let the other person speak his mind, made some feeble excuse and hung up. Somehow arguing then didn’t make much sense and escalating this discussion seemed a tad foolish. And this is troubling me. I wish I could go back and argue my facts. I cant now. Hence, this post. :)

Picasso ka dost kaun?

Picasso ka dost kaun? Batao. Batao. Ya phir Van Gogh ka? Nahin pata naa. Socho Mozart ka? Ya Beethoven ka? I now realise why these greats never have BFF (best friends forever, duh!).

Imagine Picasso as a budding painter. He would have his own personal space where he would put up his sketches/paintings (s/p) for everyone to see. Then just like an excited child who finally gets 9/10 in handwriting from grumpy Mrs Jones and runs home to show mommy the report card, he (Picasso not the child) would call his friend on the phone. Hey naya painting banaya hai. check karo and comment, he would say. I presume.

And then that so called friend in about an hour would call back and proceed to criticise every damn thing about Picasso's s/p. Brush strokes sahi nahin hain. Colours ache nahin hai. You should have used blue. And why are all your paintings about horses? (wait am I thinking of Picasso dada ya apne hussain miya) And finally the closing: Get a life yaar. Kya paintings banana roz roz.

And there in that one phone call, Picasso ka career shuru hone se pehle behrehmi se khatam kar diya jata hai. All in the name of constructive open feedback.

Isilliye Picasso ke koi friends nahin the. Aur isiliye Picasso became so great!

Samjhe!

What the muck

I wrote the longest blog entry possible. It was a Booker prize winning story. Humour tha, emotion tha, ladki thi, ladka tha - and for good measure SUSPENSE bhi tha. It was a story jisko padkhe Julia Roberts bolti- "Ouii maa ! kya mast likha hai ! iss par ek movie banao. Mujhe act karna hai." And George Clooney ka agent would spend sleepless nights hunting for my number kyonki George wanted to have a private word with the author-ess who had written this magical stuff.

I was just a "Publish" button away from global stardom, limosine rides, award cheques, Oscar for best original story and my George Clooney when the battery of my fudging laptop died. And as the screen went blank and as my immortal soul loudly shouted Muck (or something that rhymes with it) and as the precariously balanced glass of lassi fell from the bed (bachcho dont eat on the bed. dining table par sulaoongi varna), my dreams of walking the red carpet with Johnny Depp as arm candy vanished in thin air. Because as all us great authors know- we only have one great masterpiece in us - and that untitled beautiful sheer poetry of reading delight was mine.

Anyway while I wallow in self pity for the next 6 hours, 'A' I hope this is funny enough for you to read in the morning.

Quick advice (to frns who r consoling)

If certain ppl call u up to TALK abt their ex.-relationship and how the love of their life turned out to be a local scum, please dont tell them you read somewhere "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Your personal well being may be compromised if you did.

And certain ppl shd also realise that yelling at their sweet friends (who are having a rather bad week themselves) doesn't serve any purpose now does it.

Apologies expected by morning.

Breaking up

A friend of mine finally broke up. After weeks of trying to resuscitate what was generally acknowledged as a doomed relationship to begin with, she finally gave up. As she sat trying to put into words what she was going through I couldn’t help but feel sad.

A relationship takes so much out of you and you never realize how deeply you are in it till the void appears in your life. And then you struggle/scramble to fill it with anything and everything – be it work, parties, another relationship anything. But try as you may the hurt/ bitterness/ rejection or just pain always lingers - and does so for a long time.

Why are all breakups the same? I have yet to come across a happy breakup. Does it exist? Maybe because all my friends are very passionate people and passionate people never do things in half measure. When they love they love fully and so the breakup stings hard. The funny thing is by now we all know what we have to do to deal with it. Spend times with friends, don’t mope around, busy yourself, cut your losses, take a vacation, in the long run this is good for you – all standard break up advices available to all. Somehow I don’t buy that they work.

But still life moves on. And as you try to pull yourself together, pick up the pieces and move ahead you can’t help but wonder- was it worth it all? And the answer sadly in many cases is NO.

Break ups

Why are we women so bloody dumb? We intend on making the same mistakes over and over again. And somehow the best ones I know attract the worse specimen of the male species. We let the guy walk all over us and then cry when he walks out. Or spend days nagging him to change and then when he does cry "Oh! you are not what you were when we first met" Or out of all the potential guys to date pick the one guy that even a blind nun living in Himalayas would identify as the 'most likely to break your heart'. And let me not even talk about turning a blind eye to obvious signs of cheating.

If he says - I will marry you as soon as I divorce her- we believe him. If he says- my marriage is over. We are just together for the kids.- we believe him. If he says- She meant nothing to me. I wont do it again- we believe. And yea how can I not mention gems like "I cheated, but I really care for you" "I would have never hurt you intentionally" "I wasn't with her when u were around. Its only when u went outta town that we dated." "We spent the whole night just talking"

As I help a broken hearted friend negotiate her way out of a bad breakup, I cant help but think very low of all u guys out there. You horrible people dont think twice before breaking someone's trust. And yes love is just another 4 letter word for you.

Post breakup getting up and moving on is hard. @A: hang in there. @Rest: Expect more male bashing posts soon.

Another sleepless night. Its going to be one of those days today.I finally slept around 4 in the morning at woke up at 7 feeling drained and exhausted.And its just Tuesday.4 days more to the weekend.Somehow I feel I am either stuck in the past or in the future. If only I had a magic wand or the zap thg of Will Smith that makes you forget stuff. I still cant believe it happened. How long can one say that stmt to oneself? "I cant believe it happened."

You know the problem is that relationships are my markers for my life. What I mean is people remember their past based on their achievements, the fun times, the sad times, some moments etc. We all have some basis for marking the past in our memory. For me that basis is relationships - the close ones I had. For DC I have 3. And although I am not regularly in touch with any of them I still have fond memories of DC because these rel. haven't lost their flavour. Sakshi still called me from the airport as soon as she landed in Indore.

But what happens if a rel. goes away? That entire time/place becomes a pain point. I don't want to think talk/think about it, relive the gud times or reminisce abt it at all. I have this strong urge to just delete it from my mind as it serves no other purpose but to remind me of the void created. Strange and stupid this is I know.

The unfairness of every thing still stings.

KP or not to KP

My most moronic conversations have happened with educated literate people. I hate it when people walk up to me and enquire about my caste/creed. For a person who doesn’t wear her religion on her sleeve this curiosity to know my caste/creed irritates me to no end. What the hell is it to you “what am I”. And I never know what the right answer to that question is. I am an Indian or kashmiri pandit or a woman or an MBA, what?

Worse are fellow KPs who think it’s a matter of great pride that they won the ovarian lottery to be a KP. I mean I am proud of who I am but I don’t seek out fellow caste members to bond with them.“ Kaul,..Kaul that makes you a Kashmiri doesn’t it. I am one too. My family is from Srinagar. Where is your from? Blah blah blah ” Puhleeze!!! If you want to interact with me do so if you think I seem like an interesting person to know or if you feel that we share some common interests. But please spare me the Kashmiri-kashmiri bonding.

Don’t get me wrong. I think KPs rock. We are definitely very advanced when it comes to women rights, KP girls are very beautiful and men as “Pathan types” as they come. Nice progressive close knit group but I hate this myopia that goes with the assumption that all people of a caste/creed should stick together.

Also my pet peeve is with those who when they find out I don’t know kashmiri language look so disappointed. I don’t need your approval man to belong to the KP clan. Worse still are the follow up questions: do your parents know it? Did you visit Kashmir? Did your parents live there? etc. All this in the first conversation that I am having with you! (A conversation that I did not even initiate.) And I definitely do not solicit that stupid advice with that stupid expression: “Why don’t you learn it?”. Arrey why the hell don’t you mind your own business! I don’t know you. What gives you the right to tell me what to do! Jaan na pehchaan. And in the last year 5 different KPs have been guilty of doing this. And trust me I made it a point never to interact with them again.

So finally for those who I know will misunderstand let me summarise:

• I love being a KP. Very proud of it.
• Don’t know the K. language. Not teaching my kids the same and yes don’t want to learn it either.
• Never have been to Kashmir. And till terrorism ends there have no plans of visiting.

If you are a KP please do drop in to say hello but don’t rattle of those inquisitive personal questions and give me “how to be a better KP” advice.I would love to interact with you but not just because you are from a particular region or share the same surname as mine.

Anyway TGIF! But I have no fun plans for this weekend thanks to a very lethargic rather busy circle of friends and this is irritating me more. So will sign off now and rant a little later.

Relationship Blues - Part 1

Relationships. So one more person just asked me for marriage advice. What with the MBA now over and people getting jobs, somehow marriage is the next assignment for most of my friends. We saw a quite a few relationships culminating in marriage post April. And now news about engagements and match fixing is doing rounds.

So for my next super hit blog entry I decided to summarize what all I know about relationships and how to screw them. :) So here goes nothing.

Marriage:

How to choose the right partner?

The sanest advice I can give someone on marriage is don't do it for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, money, parental pressure, peer group pressures, wanting to have a family etc. are all not the right reasons to get married. Marry only if the person you are getting married to excites you. There is the proverbial chemistry. A spark. Listen to the little voice in your head. If your instincts tell you no, then trust them. In arranged marriages remember what you are shown is half the picture in majority of the cases.

The shoe never fits better later.

So many times while buying a pair of shoes the shop keeper tell me: I know its a little tight but walk around in them the whole day and they will fit better. It never happens with shoes; it wont happen with people. A person seldom changes. I know its sounds negative but the truth is its difficult for us to change. And if you know the person in question is short tempered/ lazy/ laid back/ aggressive/ insensitive/ loner and you feel with time he will change; chances are he wont. So either you accept the person for what he is or find a different person all together. It's not fair to either party involved if you enter a marriage with reservations and a ready checklist of items to change in the groom.

The myth of the right person :)

Pragmatists say,"The best way to find the right partner is to be one." i.e. marriage is not a mathematical sum. There is nothing right /wrong about it. If you behave properly other party behaves accordingly. Then there are some more romantic among us who believe in love and rightness and soul mates and other chick flick jazz. After watching tonnes of Yash Chopra films and catching all reruns of When Harry met Sally, Notting Hill, You've got mail and other like minded hits I am firmly a part of group 2. Life time membership. It is a separate matter that I believe in most cases by the time you realize and identify your soul mate; you both have been married to other people for over 10 years.

You don't marry the man, you marry his family.

True for women. True for men. Check the family out. Interact with the parents. Spend time with the mother in law. See if you are the kind of person she wants her dearest child to marry. Please don't be fooled into thinking that if you live in separate cities then this aspect won't matter. It always does.

Prioritise.

Prioritise what is important for you in your life. Identify the negotiables and the non negotiables. And then lay your cards on the table.I have had a friend walk out on an engagement because the guy was jealous of the time she spent with her friends. Know what your definition of personal space is and ensure you marry a person who understands the same.

Reality Check.

We all want to marry George Clooney who has the brains of Einstein, money of Bill Gates, dance moves of Travolta, sense of humour of J Carey, and the list goes on. In addition he should love your parents, give you space, understand your moods, be there for you, talk when you want him to share, listen when you want to talk, care about your cat, appreciate you as the woman of today, do house work, not mention his mum's cooking, never eye any other woman except you, be a great dad, a sound handy man, and yes spend time with your friends. My dear sweet girl such a guy doesn't exist and if he does hes looking for a P. Cruz lookalike with a killer dressing sense, who loves to cook, talks less, cleans well, worships him, let his career take the front seat, lets him be, enjoys his crude jokes, watches cricket, never hogs the remote, is envy of all his friends and yes becomes the homely types when ma is around. Since you cant be that woman, you cant get that man. So people in the end do a reality check too.

-----To be Continued------

Chaotic

Chaos (Mr. Please don’t call me by my real name. I am incognito here.) asked me to comment on a post of his. The link to the said post is given below:

http://thelukingglass.blogspot.com/
POST TITLE: Munna tum bade hoke kya banoge

So what is it that I wanted to become when I was growing up? As I type this sentence, I can’t help shudder at the premise that I am all grown up now. All adult like? Am I? Really? When I was a child 20 seemed adult and 30 was old age. People post 30 were all uncles and aunties who knew best. And now as I am nearing this milestone I don’t feel I know “best”. I am still as clueless about life as before.

Yes, there are certain things I have become good at. Certain life experiences have taught me valuable lessons. I am earning a decent living. Staying on my own. Doing grown up stuff. But come on yaar I don’t feel all grown up. :) I don’t think I ever will. Because now I realize life is not about having all the answers or knowing what’s best. Its about—wait wait its coming to me—its about–nothing. From a person who considers words of Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) and Dogbert philosophical this is all the insight you will get.

I don’t what life is all about. Hell nobody does. Unless they want your money. Then yeah they will come up with some cock a bull story about life and its mysteries and nirvana and heaven and how if you give them your money you will be free and happy. But otherwise nobody knows why shit happens. And to be honest its fun that way. Or not.

But who cares. In the grand scheme of things you are inconsequential. So inconsequential that if you wrapped your mind around it you would leave your laptops right now and head for the jungles or the bar down the street. Either ways. You wont do what you are doing everyday. And that is the reason we ignore our insignificance. We imagine and create our own world where we are the centre of everyone else’s lives. How many times have we wondered about an unreturned call? Why the hell did she not call me? Trying to ignore me, is she? Or do I not matter to her? Samjhta kya hai apne aap ko? Now I will not call him back! How many times have we stood in front of the mirror wondering what shirt to wear considering everyone (or maybe just someone) is going to be there? :) Our hair cuts are matters of grave importance. A broken nail/ darkening complexion/ increasing waistline matters more than the entire African continent put together. We spend 88% of the time thinking about ourselves and the remaining 12% on why others don’t think about us as much as we do.

But I digress. You all already know this. What you do not know is what I wanted to do when I was a child? That brings me to problem no. 8043 of my life. I find it much easier to tackle life’s problems if I write them down some where. So one day I just created a list of all my life problems / pet peeves/ irritants and coded them as well. What the heck. Doesn’t hurt to be a little organized. Okay so let me see.

Problem no. 8043. Aah here it is. Let me read it out loud for you.

Problem no. 8043 Created: 15th April 1995
Importance: high Solution: Unknown
Status: WIP
Problem statement: I never know what I want.

Progress made: I always know what I do not want. And that, in most cases, is what I have currently i.e. what I get.

So there you have it. What is it that you want to be when you grow up? What kind of a husband would you like to have? What sort of friends you prefer? What is your fav. movie / music genre? What is your fav. dish? What is the right school for your child? Etc.

For all these questions and countless others like them I never have the perfect answer. I am never 100% sure of what I want. But I do know what I don’t like. So what I do is I create a universal set of all possibilities then subtract from it set of stuff I know I don’t like for sure and then what is left is my answer. But this method has some problems.

Like for example take my career choice for that matter. At an early age I realized my affair with mathematics will not last long. I never made friends with biology all though I used to score high in it simply because someone told me in bio labs they dissect frog legs. Yukee. A misguided complex that only idiots take commerce in class 12th made me opt for Science with Maths. But after that I broke up with PCM. I loved English in school and my dad wanted me to study Eng. Lit. but then that would have meant staying in Delhi and well there is something about the city that gives me the creeps (still does) so that option got eliminated. Again I know what I don’t like - Always.

So of all the subjects in all the world, I got stuck with management. I never chose it because I liked it. I chose it simply because I didn’t like anything else. That’s another happy coincidence that I enjoyed the rigors of management and ended up getting a Gold Medal from (sorry no name dropping here). Let’s say I did reasonably well.

Okay so you get the picture. The same has repeated itself in almost all choices I have made. The only problem is if you don’t know what is it you really want then you are never ecstatically happy about anything. Life has been good so far. But it has not been awesome/ sublime or marvelous. It’s been fair. It’s been nice. Not fantastic. I didn’t win any Olympic medals. I never climbed any mountains. I didn’t travel the globe. I didn’t start an organization. I never gave back to the society more than what I took from it. I never made billions. In short nothing spectacular.

What I did was by the book. Everything always by the book. As a friend of mine once told me: you will always have a good life if you do things by the book. Good yes, great no. So that’s how it is.

Now dear chaos sir you know. I wanted to be a manager when I was growing up and yippee I am one right now. :P

(Btw I exaggerate. The situation is not this bad. But this way it makes for some fun writing right. :))

Life as u like it

Okay toh aajkal mujhe bahut advice mil rahi hai. Phone par, sms mein, email par, chats mein, padosis se and even my maid decided the other day to join the "give surabhi advice free of cost" club. I mean I have nothing against advices. During most times I love to give them myself. Corner me any time of the day or night if u will (considering I am a recently converted insomniac)and I would dish it out to you by the dollops.

Advice on marriage, love, life, therapy, girls, guys, money or lack of it, TV programs, why wont she love me?, why wont he leave me?.. anything and i am ready, well set to be of assistance. But this is were my love fest with advice ends. While I love giving it, somehow getting it back in more quantity than desired doesnt really make me a happy girl. And I for one like me to be a 'happy girl'.

I mean kal ki baat le lo. I was trying to find the way from hyd. central to city centre. Its actually a 5 min. distance but if u happen to be geographically challenged like me you wud know most 5 min distances have the potential of turning into 30 mins of aimless driving and cursing. So to be safer I decided to stop and ask a 'bhala manas' for directions. Bas iss baar toh solicit hi kari thi advice. Nice guy gave me 3 diff. ways of reaching the place and then proceeded to discuss with another passerby who had stopped out of the goodness of his heart and clean curiosity that only Indians possess(DEKHEN CHAL KYA RAHA HAI) the best of way of reaching considering the traffic and time of the day. Then further as I was leaving told me to be careful kyonki checking ho rahi hai aaj kal. Elections hain naa- added the other gentleman not wanting to be left behind.

Khair ache log the..main 15 min. mein paunch gayi..Sirf ek wrong turn liye. Anyway point of the story is..khair koi point nahi hai..kaafi pointless thi..par haan mera thought process yeh tha .ki abb kuch kosmic balance hona chahiye..bahut free advice le li..abb thodi deni chahiye..toh here is some free addvice from moi for all u bachcha bachchis out there:

1. Dont take every advice at face value.
2. Always tip the waiters- generously
3. Be nice to ppl esp. to ones you dont have to be nice to.
4. Have a clean handkerchief with you always
5. Always rber your courtsies - thk us and sorries
6. Save
7. Teach ur children some manners
8. Dont be cruel to animals
9. Always let the lady have the last piece of the cake :)
10. Own a good library and read. (classics they say are books ppl buy but never read)
11. Never flinch office supplies
12. Always carry some mint
13. Never leave dishes in the sink and go to bed.
14. be the first to apologise in all fights...ESP. when u r NOT in the wrong :)
15. call ur mum
16. (for a fren?)Pray :)

rest for later time..abhi itni implement karlo

byes

Not such a gud day

Have u had one of those days where u just want to shake someone up..a conversation thats so ridicuous that u dont know what to say ne more..i generally dont like ppl with power and wht i hate even more is little people with power..little petty ppl who can make ur life a lot easier if they cooperated but choose not to simply because they can and so want to make thgs tough..so u can guess by now (incase u missed the title) that today was not such a gud day.

Now let me crib some more..and in greater details

some weeks back i lost my lil black wallet and with it my driving license, credit card, all debit cards and those loyalty shoppers (shoppers stop/pantaloons etc etc)cards as well..now u may ask why did i carry all of this everydy with me even though i clearly wud never need all of them at the same time..to that i will say - next question plz..then u may ask why did i not (like every other person i have come across since this incident) maintain a photocopy of these esp. the DL. To that my fren i will ..well not say anythg...i know i shd have..i thot i had..but i guess i forgot ..so the long and short of it is these days i am without ..a lot of thgs

So anyways more crying over spilt milk later...rite now let me update u with today's incident..so i wanted to get my DL made..and as always i want to bypass the agents..as a firm believer of 'not spending money uselessly on agents who do nothing of value anyway' i had decided that i will get it on my merit. So i went to the RTO carrying:
1. photocopy of passport
2. passport (for verification)
3. passport size pics (6)
4. glue
5. stapler
6. copy of my rental agreement (stamp paper and all) duly notarised by the ..ahem notariser ?

i buy the forms..i fill them out..i stand in the queue..i say no to 3 agents ..and then my turn comes..

the guy goes thru the docs..checks the stuff and then we have this conversation:

guy: this wont do
me: what wont do
guy: this ..shows me the rental agreement
me: why
guy: its a rent agreement
me: precisely
guy: it wont do
me (getting slightly irritated as this is happening in an open area outside the RTO and its hot outside): can u tell me why wont it do
guy: we cant accept this
me: why
guy: we are not allowed
me: (wanted to ask y..but decided on a new line of questioning) so wht can u accept
guy: points to the wall..a printout mentions docs that.. well.. i dont have :(
(the reader may wish to know that i have just moved into a new apartment and am not from this city so have no address proof other than the damn RA)
me: (now realizing losing my temper aint helping the situation) plz do somethg abt this..i have no other ..blah blah blah
guy: (in a nicer tone i think) get ur mobile bill
me: but thats of my old address
guy: then get one that has the new address
me: the mobile co. will accept the rental agreement as proof of address?
guy: yes
me: then why cant u?
guy: we are not allowed
me: (trying to get him to see reason) u r not accepting this (wave the doc in air for a more dramatic effect) rite now but the cell co. will and will change my address and that u will accept so why dont u save me the bother and plz accept this abhi itself
guy: procedure hai madam
me: okay

then i start looking for an agent ..i know ...i know..but i didnt want another wasted trip to RTO

agent: madam aap kp pehle aana tha
me: haan ..khair aap kitna loge
A: 700
me: WHT!!( first rule of haggling - always act surprised)
A: madam ander dena padta hai
me: zara reasonable ho
A..me..A..me later he agrees for 500 :)

then
A: u shdnt have gone and spoken to the officer
me: why not
A: woh govt. wale hain
me: toh
A: aapka kaam nahin hoga
me: ....
A: u give me the rental copy and i will get thgs arranged
me: yipeee(to myself :) )
A: par time lena hoga 15 din lagenge
Me: @#$%%$##



Scene 2:
At I#$% office

Me: change of address karvana ha..heres the rental agreement..
guy: madam supplementary doc. lagega
me: yehi toh hai supp. docu
Guy: nahin mam koi mobile bill etc. type
Me : @#$@@%

1 man's fish other man's bait

We all enjoy and relish our prejudices. i read somewhere that the news channel and the newspaper that we like are the ones that support and perpetuate our deep seated biases. the same can be said to be true of our friends. we do generally get attracted to people who in some way are a reflection of self. atleast thats been the case with me. i value "comfort" in a relationship a lot..if its easy to hang out with someone, if the silences are comfortabe, if the jokes carry a shared meaning well there i have a friend..but lately i have started seeing my refection in the strangest of places. how interesting it is to observe someone whose reactions are complete opposite to your own. enlightening, surprising and fun :)

bad teams poor performance

As far as my worklife is concerned the one thing that annoys me the most is a bad attitude. Now you add incompetence and nonchalance to it and you have made the perfect recipe to irritate the hell out of me. as an HR manager i am of the opinion people are to be groomed and trained to reach their potential but still i don't know what to do with those who are incompetent and just don't care about it. they are the ones who miss deadlines habitually and don't even regards them as important, they interfering every one's work and bring the overall productivity down.. they bring bad work culture to the organisation and end up corrupting the efficient order. what is to be done with these people? counselling, warning, penalty and then layoff. i think most people will go for this order. now the twist. suppose they don't report to you and u have no authority on them. then after the initial cajoling, counselling etc what do u do ? how the hell do u deal with the free rider? one group i know has solved this problem in a simple way- let the free rider ride and move on. is this the best way to handle this? why are we so scared of a small one on one session in which open dialogue and honest feedback are used? my friend says - its not worth the trouble yaar..move on . what do u think?

Of driving and other thgs

just came back from on a long drive ..many lanes in calcutta are so narrow that at a time only one car can pass..this leads to some very interesting scenarios..picture this..both cars stuck facing each other..the drivers get into heated argument each yelling at the other to move back..the merits of either case are yelled out with elan..tempers rise..passerbys gather and then with some timely intervention - mostly from those that are stuck behind these drivers- one party decides to back and let the other one pass..this so often reminds me of a story i read on the net..there are many names attached to this story- oscar wilde etc etc..since i dont know who was actually involved in the incident i will call my hero just that - Hero..

our hero got stuck on a narrow bridge..in front of him was the town bully..the bully thundered- "move back". the hero replied, "u saw me get on the bridge ..still u got ur carriage on it..so rightfully u shd move back".the bully replied - "well, i never give way to a fool"..on hearing this our hero smiles and counters - "well I always do ! "..and so saying moves his carriage back.. :)

somehow this story always keeps coming back to me when i drive and see ppl get into meaningless spats on the road..i have witnessed so many incidents of road rage while driving that some times i wonder if ppl fill their cars with petrol or ego..i mean the way some ppl fight and honk and shout and abuse just to reach their destination few minutes earlier is appaling.i thankfully avoid all such ppl by simply giving everyone the right of way..i am a carefull driver and a bit scared of speeding ....so if u r ever stuck behind me please just honk and i will let u pass :)

today was a beautiful day here for a drive..just the right degree of coolness in the air..just the right evening to usher in the new year and bid farewell to the old..have no plans for this new years eve though..just going to sit and home and spend time with my family..possibly catch a gud movie on TV..tanay is going to be one and a half yrs old when i join ISB in apr..am wondering how he will adjust there..reports from all quarters assure me that he and my family will have no problems there..infact a sr. said- families have the most fun on campus simply because it is gorgeous and they are the only ones who get to enjoy it :)..this was very heartening to hear

anyways in case u r still reading this rambling of thots do drop me a line ..and here's wishing u and all ur loved ones a very happy new year ..

take care