Yea I am still on it - the rant that is. You would be to if..wait yeh AajTak par kya aa raha hai. Mahishasur ka atyachar. Religious photos ke peeche actual real images play ho rahi hain. Kya idea hai sirjee. Aur phir yeh music. Lagta hai Anu Malik saheb inspired mood mein compose kar rahe hain. Next headline: Kanha ke viruddh kanss ka shadyantra. Woh mathura etc ke real images ke saath abb koi TV serial ki images bhi aa gayi hain. Hey bhagwan. Now this dame in the studio is talking about Radha and now some female is singing some random song and we are told there is a kund which was made from radha ka kangan. All this time pictures are changing as if in a slide show with "whoosh" sound everytime.
((If I do something rash, and my body is found facing the TV and if AT is the channel playing please ensure that the case is filed under murder due to abject torture)) Where the muck is that remote!!! Oh under the chair. hehe wait..rather than entertain blasphemous thoughts (which I do a lot with amaazing regularity) let me just change the channel. Oye Fox History. Good. I let out a deep sigh and go back to writing about reality shows. That's where we had left remember.
Reality shows: Agar aapko pata karna hai kitne stars abb faltu hain..just check out the judges name of any reality shows. I mean its an easy way to make money when someone is not employing you. Just go, sit, smile and come back. You don't have to say anything intellligent. Really nothing. I mean Sonali Bendre on music. Thats like me judging Real Madrid and its player acquisition strategy. You dont have to look nice even. I dont mean the fat err no corpulently challenged Bendre babe I was actually thinking about Anu Malik and the entire judge's panel of Sa ra ga ma (they deleted the pa. Women domination bhaiyya! Ma hai pa nahin. Jai Ho.) I mean please mujhe koi reality show ka judge bana de. Wait don't I do that everyday. Isnt world a reality show. Deep. Hmm. Just that no one pays me though.
Anyhoo contestants of reality shows. The kids reality shows disturb me the most. You have to be total jackass of a parent to subject your child to that. I mean as if the humiliation of having you as a parent was not enough you put him on the stage to be judged by moronic judges and hundreds of idiots who are dumb enough to watch the shows. It is traumatic to be judged and to fail in front of others. Grown ups are not able to handle public failures. (eg Susan Boyle) Why the muck would you subject a child to it!
Then comes the hotties or the wannabe hotties. The splitsvilla-size 0-brain activity negative contestants. I dont mind Tanay doing anything with his life. But yes after watching splittsvilla I have instructed my lawyers to amend the will. Bebo, you wont be getting a penny if you ever feature on any reality show ever. This threat would work a lot more if I had some real money. But oh well. I will deny him my newly purchased sofa and Samsung ka chota TV. Also (it just occured to me) I will publish all your naked bachpan ki pics on facebook. (just have to call my lawyers and get this line added. BRB)
Kya ladkiyaan hain. Kya galiyan deti hain. Dare I confess that it was in college that I got to know what MC/BC meant. And the guys. Man, really are guys this dumb? And can someone please tell the HMTs that nothing is a bigger put off than hearing someone who cant say 3 sentences in English put on a American accent and then try to talk.
Limka ka advt aara ha hai. I like this one. Par let me tell you when I got my Limca nothing happened. The guy standing behind me didnot magically create water or look that good and nor was that song playing when I drank my magical potion. Nothing happened. I waited for 3 minutes after finishing my drink in the hope maybe thoda late reaction ho jaye. But nothing.
Aur haan contestants jo celebrity hain. Celebrity reality shows. Ek baar maine papa ke saath Big Boss ka episode dekha. He didnt know any contestant not even one. Arrey unko chodo jab woh Sambhavna aayi toh even i didnt know. I told my dad she is a big actress down south. he he. For those of you who do not know what I am talking about give your self a hug.
Btw let me confess I did catch 2 episodes of Jhalak Dikhla jaa and hoped Bhaichung would win. So not all reality shows are unwatchable.
Reality shows encourage begging. I mean haven't you noticed hum log kitni asaani se (besharmi se) sabse maangte rehte hai. Padosi's se sugar, professors se marks, friends se paise, bhagwan se secret wishes, girl friends se sorry, readers se comments (wink wink). I think this tendency is getting out of hand. And since most people know my response to such begging people have stopped it in front of me. Now they just take what they want without asking. That explains why the three apologies that I have been waiting for, for over a month haven't come. These reality shows make it okay to beg : Please please humein aapke votes ki bahut zaroorat hai. please vote kariye. please mobile phone utha kar mera code dial kariye. Please. Bhangwan ke naam pe dede baba. (okay last line mera improvization tha)
And finally, the last rant para on RS. Thats reality shows. (no other elaboration of RS ;) ) Kabhi results episode dekna. Kya setting hoti hai. Kya tension. Aaj kiska sapna khatam hone jaa raha hai. kiski kismet ka faisla aapne kara hai. Kaun abb hamare beech nahin hoga. Kaun hamse juda ho ke jaa raha hai. Kise abb producer's ka check nahin milega aur kiski biwi ghar par aaj pitai karegi. Batate hain. Break ke baad.
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Sunday, June 28, 2009
TV suxx
TV sucks. Its official now. For the past few months I have been telling my friends "TV par kuch acha nahin aata" And in all cases so far people have dissented (is that a verb I can use?). I had stopped watching TV for a long time. Maybe from March or so my TV viewing can be termed as negligible. So when my friends said there is always something interesting on these days, well I believed them. Yesterday I decided to check those claims. And I have reached certain conclusions.
Warning: Incase you haven't figured it out this post is going to be about the TV and how crappy the shows are. Let me also add that its going to be long and mean as I have a headache and there is still nothing good on TV. Compounded by the fact that my maid is absconding, my landlord is probably serving me notice in about a week's time, my friends are busssy, I have a headache (wait I think I already said that) and I haven't left my bedroom in the past 24 hours the chances of this post making reasonable reading are slim. Muck, I just caught the advt. for Rakhi Sawant ka swayambar - do yourself a favour and skip to the end.
So the conclusions are:
Conclusion no. 1: I am way too old and grey. Not only do I not understand the generation succeeding mine, I am also having trouble keeping up with the telly tastes of my own generation. I mean comeon guys. There is NOTHING good on. How can you spend the whole weekend on this damn thing!
Conclusion no. 2: Telly world is short of talent.
Conclusion no. 3: Telly world is short of talent and doesn't know it yet.
Conclusion no. 4: The new generation kids are such mind numbing morons with shallow self image, zero IQ and so low a moral grounding that its not even funny any more. Okay maybe I am too quick to judge but this conclusion was reached while watching 3 reality shows on MTV and Real involving teemagers and some young 20 year olds battle for stupid titles (Teen Diva)and yes love (Splitsvilla and somethg somethg).
Conclusion no. 5: People are becoming uglier by the day. This despite all the beauty creams, lotions and treatment that have come up. I mean I had no expectations from the soap opera people but atleast movie stars should look reasonably tolerable. Purane zamane mein kitne goodlooking actors hote the.
Conclusion no. 6: There is just too much sex on TV. I mean I am very liberal a person. I have no issues with short dresses, pre marital sex or post marital for that matter, gays and lesbians are welcome at my party and i firmly believe in the dictum: to each his own. But still I cant help be judgemental about these advts. and music videos and movies that just objectify women and men for that matter.
I still remember there were times long back when if something risque would come on TV one would be a little squeamish watching it with one's parents. delicately you would leave the room or change the channel or something. But now every damn thing is about just one thing.
(((There is more to talk about this. Next post mein par.)))
Now lets dig a little more deep. Let me review whats on these days.
Zee, Colors, Imagine, star plus par soaps aate hain. Lux, haman, lifebouy wale nahin.
Daily soap tells you its okay if you love someone and marry another and then sleep wit your brother in law and then cheat on him (your brother in law not the hubby) with your college sweet heart. Women wear tonnes of makeup and jewellery every day even night. And somehow manage to look butt ugly even with all that muck (this time its muck not F___) on their face. I have so far identified 2 types of women: The good one who has no brains or career aspirations and lives and dies and invariably marries for the family. Everything is about the family or her love or about looking demure and pretty. Did you catch that muckall show Dil Mil Gaye? Supposedly doctors hain sab. I prayed extra hard last night for good health after watching that show. And the other type of female characters: biatch who wants money, someone else's husband, revemge, or money. No greys in the telly world. All black or white. I wished the distinction could have more parameters : like the good ones are pretty and well dressed and the bad ones are not. But sadly I found all needed to be sent to a personal grooming seminar in jhumritalaiya and attend the art of wearing less makeup. And the men of the telly world : they are too much of a disappointment to even write about. Sometimes even good clothes, fake accents and body building sessions cant help you overcome nature's revenge - that is your face. By the way in a twisted sense, telly world is female dominated. It claims to see the world from the women's perspective. Last night I got the aha moment. Now I know why the guys think that women are brainless twits. Its the damn TV. If anyone things that "Ghar ki laxmi:betiyaan" is how the world really is, I would myself call them names much worse than brainless twits.
News Channel: Mere ko mili nahin abhi tak. Still looking. Incase I get one I will certainly review.
There are some channels Aaj tak types that some times show some national happenings in the break time they get from airing bollywood happenings, advertisements, talkshows on bollywood, breaking news like finding the road that pandavs took in Mahabharat to go to heaven (I swear i saw that program). Btw India is defined by Delhi, kolkata and Mumbai. East ki states ka kabhi mention nahin aata. Sikkim etc. mein ya toh issues hi nahin hain ya phir its not worth these channels time to talk about them. Aaj Tak bata raha ki KJo is working hard on his next film Khan is King. Chalo thats good to know. Kabhi remote South mein kya ho raha hai, farmer suicides ka kya update hai yeh bhi bata dena. "Greasepaint in the time of personal trauma" yeh aa raha hai on Headlines Today.
Reality shows: Rakhi ka swayamvar. Need I say more.
To be contd
Warning: Incase you haven't figured it out this post is going to be about the TV and how crappy the shows are. Let me also add that its going to be long and mean as I have a headache and there is still nothing good on TV. Compounded by the fact that my maid is absconding, my landlord is probably serving me notice in about a week's time, my friends are busssy, I have a headache (wait I think I already said that) and I haven't left my bedroom in the past 24 hours the chances of this post making reasonable reading are slim. Muck, I just caught the advt. for Rakhi Sawant ka swayambar - do yourself a favour and skip to the end.
So the conclusions are:
Conclusion no. 1: I am way too old and grey. Not only do I not understand the generation succeeding mine, I am also having trouble keeping up with the telly tastes of my own generation. I mean comeon guys. There is NOTHING good on. How can you spend the whole weekend on this damn thing!
Conclusion no. 2: Telly world is short of talent.
Conclusion no. 3: Telly world is short of talent and doesn't know it yet.
Conclusion no. 4: The new generation kids are such mind numbing morons with shallow self image, zero IQ and so low a moral grounding that its not even funny any more. Okay maybe I am too quick to judge but this conclusion was reached while watching 3 reality shows on MTV and Real involving teemagers and some young 20 year olds battle for stupid titles (Teen Diva)and yes love (Splitsvilla and somethg somethg).
Conclusion no. 5: People are becoming uglier by the day. This despite all the beauty creams, lotions and treatment that have come up. I mean I had no expectations from the soap opera people but atleast movie stars should look reasonably tolerable. Purane zamane mein kitne goodlooking actors hote the.
Conclusion no. 6: There is just too much sex on TV. I mean I am very liberal a person. I have no issues with short dresses, pre marital sex or post marital for that matter, gays and lesbians are welcome at my party and i firmly believe in the dictum: to each his own. But still I cant help be judgemental about these advts. and music videos and movies that just objectify women and men for that matter.
I still remember there were times long back when if something risque would come on TV one would be a little squeamish watching it with one's parents. delicately you would leave the room or change the channel or something. But now every damn thing is about just one thing.
(((There is more to talk about this. Next post mein par.)))
Now lets dig a little more deep. Let me review whats on these days.
Zee, Colors, Imagine, star plus par soaps aate hain. Lux, haman, lifebouy wale nahin.
Daily soap tells you its okay if you love someone and marry another and then sleep wit your brother in law and then cheat on him (your brother in law not the hubby) with your college sweet heart. Women wear tonnes of makeup and jewellery every day even night. And somehow manage to look butt ugly even with all that muck (this time its muck not F___) on their face. I have so far identified 2 types of women: The good one who has no brains or career aspirations and lives and dies and invariably marries for the family. Everything is about the family or her love or about looking demure and pretty. Did you catch that muckall show Dil Mil Gaye? Supposedly doctors hain sab. I prayed extra hard last night for good health after watching that show. And the other type of female characters: biatch who wants money, someone else's husband, revemge, or money. No greys in the telly world. All black or white. I wished the distinction could have more parameters : like the good ones are pretty and well dressed and the bad ones are not. But sadly I found all needed to be sent to a personal grooming seminar in jhumritalaiya and attend the art of wearing less makeup. And the men of the telly world : they are too much of a disappointment to even write about. Sometimes even good clothes, fake accents and body building sessions cant help you overcome nature's revenge - that is your face. By the way in a twisted sense, telly world is female dominated. It claims to see the world from the women's perspective. Last night I got the aha moment. Now I know why the guys think that women are brainless twits. Its the damn TV. If anyone things that "Ghar ki laxmi:betiyaan" is how the world really is, I would myself call them names much worse than brainless twits.
News Channel: Mere ko mili nahin abhi tak. Still looking. Incase I get one I will certainly review.
There are some channels Aaj tak types that some times show some national happenings in the break time they get from airing bollywood happenings, advertisements, talkshows on bollywood, breaking news like finding the road that pandavs took in Mahabharat to go to heaven (I swear i saw that program). Btw India is defined by Delhi, kolkata and Mumbai. East ki states ka kabhi mention nahin aata. Sikkim etc. mein ya toh issues hi nahin hain ya phir its not worth these channels time to talk about them. Aaj Tak bata raha ki KJo is working hard on his next film Khan is King. Chalo thats good to know. Kabhi remote South mein kya ho raha hai, farmer suicides ka kya update hai yeh bhi bata dena. "Greasepaint in the time of personal trauma" yeh aa raha hai on Headlines Today.
Reality shows: Rakhi ka swayamvar. Need I say more.
To be contd
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Bodyline
Things of value are won by pain and sacrifice..my dad recently told me that..its not his own though .although he has used it on me several times :)
i still remember where we had both encountered this stmt for the first time..long long back DD use to show a series called the body line..and coz of my dad's passion for all and any sport..we used to watch it together..i remember enjoying the drama of harold larwood and Douglas Jardine and don bradman.. i was more fascinated by Jardine than any other character. i still remember the sarci smile that the actor playing jardine had..and i cried a lot when they showed the episode that depicted how larwood's career abruptly ends
Although it was quite a while ago i still remember 4 key scenes:
1. the scene in which this particular line was uttered.thsg of vaue are won by pain and sacrifice.
2.the scene in which larwood opens his door and finds a new pair of running shoes left there by Jardine..how he struggled through hardships to keep his passion alive.
3. how Jardine remarks to his manager (i think) [who had said - "posterity will not remember you in gud light" ] -- "But it has already forgotten you !!"
4. how larwood refuses to sign the apology to aussies saying- " i did what my captain asked me too" and pays a heavy price for this refusal
it was a gud show and i wish they rerun it some time!
i still remember where we had both encountered this stmt for the first time..long long back DD use to show a series called the body line..and coz of my dad's passion for all and any sport..we used to watch it together..i remember enjoying the drama of harold larwood and Douglas Jardine and don bradman.. i was more fascinated by Jardine than any other character. i still remember the sarci smile that the actor playing jardine had..and i cried a lot when they showed the episode that depicted how larwood's career abruptly ends
Although it was quite a while ago i still remember 4 key scenes:
1. the scene in which this particular line was uttered.thsg of vaue are won by pain and sacrifice.
2.the scene in which larwood opens his door and finds a new pair of running shoes left there by Jardine..how he struggled through hardships to keep his passion alive.
3. how Jardine remarks to his manager (i think) [who had said - "posterity will not remember you in gud light" ] -- "But it has already forgotten you !!"
4. how larwood refuses to sign the apology to aussies saying- " i did what my captain asked me too" and pays a heavy price for this refusal
it was a gud show and i wish they rerun it some time!
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