Settled finally. Its been 2 years since I last travelled by 3rd A.C. And nothing it seems has changed. I have already lost my temper thrice - the autowala, coolie and the nameless passenger at the door who refused to move - in that order. Yes, you may call me a little hotheaded. I hate paying for some thing than what its actually worth. These coolies and autowals feel they can take me for a ride just because I look the type who travels by air. I know paying Rs. 50 more doesn't make me any poorer but then its the whole dishonesty of the affair that irritates me. And I also hate indecisiveness. Decide what you want to do. Get in the damn compartment or get out. But no! People persist in standing at the door looking for god knows what and coolly ignoring poeple who are trying to get in.
Anyway, now I am here. The luggage is secured and the laptop is out. Three presentations I have to check and also if possible catch up on Taleb's new book which is just out. You know, famous first lines have always fascinated me. Remember that one: of all the ginjoints in all the world she... Yes Casablanca. Thats what I thought when I saw her. That and also she still travels with too much luggage. Now where are we going to fit these 5 bags. Why can't women travel light? I see she is alone. She hasn't looked in my direction yet.
I straighten up. Prop up my legs so that the Coolie can put madam's bags everywhere. She is looking nice. Yellow churidar, white kurti and a duppatta thats covering her head. Big white bag. I see she's still into her pearl earrings. Slim and young. Infact younger than I remember her. Thank you Bhaiyaa she said. And hands over a hundred. Still used english with people who dont understand it. I smile to myself. Some things never change. While she is doing this I try figure where will she be seated. 7 is my seat no. Her's is...aah 11. In the middle. Dont think madam is going to like that.
"Excuse me can I please have the window seat." I chuckle. She still stresses on the please. Some people never grow up. Now what is that poor man going to do. I can see his dilemma. Noone wants to sit in the middle and yet he doesn't want to refuse a pretty lady. Hmm. He is getting up. I think the fact that she does'nt look married did the trick. That and the smile that followed the please. She still hasn't looked at my direction. What should I do? Should I first say hello? Seems like the decent thing to do. I mean I was the one who always told her to keep it normal.
Yeah, thats right. I should say hello first. Not sure when should I say it. She is sitting down. About to look up. Nows the time."Hello Sumi, How are you, fancy seeing you here." Damn the cell had to ring right now. Neha's call. Damn. I caught her reaction though. She looked up surprised. I guess the familarity with which I addressed her caught her unawares. Or was it me? She looked at me and smiled. Not the big smile you give a long lost friend but a rather quiet civil smile you reserve for an acquaintance. Is it my imagination or did the smile not reach her eyes? "hello, yea. Haan paunch gaya. Nahin koi problem nahin hui. Haan theek hai. hmm. Chalo phir phone karta hoon paunch kar. bye "
"Sorry sumi. Ghar se tha" (shit shouldn't have said that. I dont know why I felt guilty talking to my own wife right now.)
"Its okay. I am fine. How are you?"
"Oh good. i am working with HSBC now. (She doesn't look at all interested. So I refrain from giving details.) Where are you working these days? In touch with anyone? " (was about to say missed you at the last reunion but then decided against it.)
"Thats nice. I am with an NGO now. We are into healths services. I dont think I am in touch with anyone. Didn't go for the reunion too."
"Okay" (Shes started to look out the window. So I decide to give the conversation a rest.)
She looks a little sad or is it my imagination. Why does this woman always make me feel so guilty! I mean hundreds of people have broken relationships. But she just didn't take the breakup like a man. I mean leaving her was the hardest thing not because I loved her which I didn't but because she just was so heart broken about it. I never thought it was possible to love me so much and with such a single minded dedication.
Anyway what is done is done. We both have moved on. Or atleast I have. Relocated to a new metro. Have a wife and a family. I try not to compare the two Neha and Sumi. Both are two different people. Different backgrounds. But yes Neha doesn't worship the ground I walk on and that to be honest is how I prefer it.
I remember Sumi and her temper, her passion, her refusal to take no for an answer, the way she always waited for me for lunch, her tantrums, her habit of cupping my face with her hands and calling me baby. I hated that. I remember the times we shared. Good times. But I never held on to them. Did she? Is she happy now? Did she get over her childish childlike refusal to accept the inevitable? Then there were the 6 torturous months post breakup. I don't know why did I hang around for her? 6 months is a long time for counselling. in her defence she didnt call me often. but somehow I felt responsible and hence came the "Are you okay?" phone calls. Just that abandoning her didn't seem like the civil thing to do and also I never knew what she would have done if I wasn't there then.
Still 6 months and then one day I just lost my temper again. "Will you just get over this woman? Its not like we are Romeo and Juliet! I don't love you. I don't want a future together. Its not like this is forced. I want it to be like this." She had looked up from my shoulder where she was resting her head said nothing. Next day I knew I had lost her. Things weren't the same again. And its a testament to how bad things were with me that I liked it that way. We just stopped talking. And then she went away. 6 years back.
Now she sits in front of me pretending I dont exist. No its not even that. She isn't ignoring me. Thrice our eyes have met and shes given me a half smile. Come on Sumi. You couldn't have forgotten all those times. They meant too much to you. Or did you? Or is this reaction the proof that you are still not over the damn relationship? What is it?
At 9 people ate dinner. The train didnot have a pantry car. She was carrying her own tiffin. I hadn't anticipated the no pantry car scenario and so wondered what to do. There were no major stations coming till noon tomorrow. And street food has never gone down well with my stomach. I could share her tifffin. Just like old times. But then I decided to do the next best thing. Got my trusted packet out and went outside to have a smoke. She sat through the next 2 hours in front of me making small conversations with everyone. She didnt give way too much information about herself. Then everyone went to bed. I couldn't sleep well. It was around 4 that I finally managed to doze off. When I woke up at 7 she was gone. Just like that. No good byes. I kept lying down. If you have ever travelled by 3rd ac you would know why. You cant sit up in the bottom berth till the person above you decides to lower his berth. Finally the person in the middle berth decided it was time to wake up. As I got up and stretched I saw a polythene packet on my seat. I opened it. Inside was a tiffin and some tissues and a note that said - Breakfast.
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