Relationship Blues - Part 1

Relationships. So one more person just asked me for marriage advice. What with the MBA now over and people getting jobs, somehow marriage is the next assignment for most of my friends. We saw a quite a few relationships culminating in marriage post April. And now news about engagements and match fixing is doing rounds.

So for my next super hit blog entry I decided to summarize what all I know about relationships and how to screw them. :) So here goes nothing.

Marriage:

How to choose the right partner?

The sanest advice I can give someone on marriage is don't do it for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, money, parental pressure, peer group pressures, wanting to have a family etc. are all not the right reasons to get married. Marry only if the person you are getting married to excites you. There is the proverbial chemistry. A spark. Listen to the little voice in your head. If your instincts tell you no, then trust them. In arranged marriages remember what you are shown is half the picture in majority of the cases.

The shoe never fits better later.

So many times while buying a pair of shoes the shop keeper tell me: I know its a little tight but walk around in them the whole day and they will fit better. It never happens with shoes; it wont happen with people. A person seldom changes. I know its sounds negative but the truth is its difficult for us to change. And if you know the person in question is short tempered/ lazy/ laid back/ aggressive/ insensitive/ loner and you feel with time he will change; chances are he wont. So either you accept the person for what he is or find a different person all together. It's not fair to either party involved if you enter a marriage with reservations and a ready checklist of items to change in the groom.

The myth of the right person :)

Pragmatists say,"The best way to find the right partner is to be one." i.e. marriage is not a mathematical sum. There is nothing right /wrong about it. If you behave properly other party behaves accordingly. Then there are some more romantic among us who believe in love and rightness and soul mates and other chick flick jazz. After watching tonnes of Yash Chopra films and catching all reruns of When Harry met Sally, Notting Hill, You've got mail and other like minded hits I am firmly a part of group 2. Life time membership. It is a separate matter that I believe in most cases by the time you realize and identify your soul mate; you both have been married to other people for over 10 years.

You don't marry the man, you marry his family.

True for women. True for men. Check the family out. Interact with the parents. Spend time with the mother in law. See if you are the kind of person she wants her dearest child to marry. Please don't be fooled into thinking that if you live in separate cities then this aspect won't matter. It always does.

Prioritise.

Prioritise what is important for you in your life. Identify the negotiables and the non negotiables. And then lay your cards on the table.I have had a friend walk out on an engagement because the guy was jealous of the time she spent with her friends. Know what your definition of personal space is and ensure you marry a person who understands the same.

Reality Check.

We all want to marry George Clooney who has the brains of Einstein, money of Bill Gates, dance moves of Travolta, sense of humour of J Carey, and the list goes on. In addition he should love your parents, give you space, understand your moods, be there for you, talk when you want him to share, listen when you want to talk, care about your cat, appreciate you as the woman of today, do house work, not mention his mum's cooking, never eye any other woman except you, be a great dad, a sound handy man, and yes spend time with your friends. My dear sweet girl such a guy doesn't exist and if he does hes looking for a P. Cruz lookalike with a killer dressing sense, who loves to cook, talks less, cleans well, worships him, let his career take the front seat, lets him be, enjoys his crude jokes, watches cricket, never hogs the remote, is envy of all his friends and yes becomes the homely types when ma is around. Since you cant be that woman, you cant get that man. So people in the end do a reality check too.

-----To be Continued------